Wreck Of The Day....

So... I must say today I am torn between the feelings of 2 emotions:

1. School-girl giddiness
2. Heartbreak that seeps into my very core

As much as I would love to take the first one and leave the rest of it behind, the raw emotion somehow ends up swallowing me, slowly. As you've probably noticed from the past couple posts, the hurt I've been feeling isn't new. It's been trailing me for a couple years now and every once in a while it shows it's ugly self. These are the times I take to reflect on the person I was in high school, the person I became after and who I am trying to be right now.

I was currently introduced to some new novels written by the author: Traci Hunter Abramson.
The first couple she wrote were made into a series about a girl who witness's the death of her boyfriend who is an undercover cop. She is put into the Witness Protection Program and has to assume a new identity and start a new life. She then encounters problems and experiences that force her to keep assuming new identities and she kind of... loses herself along the way. I feel like that is what I have been doing. I lost the person I was in high school. I liked her.
She was pretty cool. She had the strongest testimony, she was fiercely loyal to the people she loved and she knew that the whole world was at her reach.
I want to be that person again. I'm going to be that person again. I'm broken right now.... But I'll slowly put myself back together.

On top of feeling this emotion as I began the day, I made the drive from Fairview to work, only to find out that 2 of my co-workers have been laid off due to the sucky economy. One of them being a really good friend. She was going to quit at the end of December to do her student teaching anyway but we still thought we had a couple more months with her. She was one of coolest girls I have ever met and I will really miss her. Whit, I love you! So the emotion only grew stronger to which I didn't think it could.

There was then the school-girl giddiness emotion that would surprise me every once in a while. I have to say part of this was due to the fact that 2 of my really good friends and I went to High School Musical 3 Friday night! Yes, we did. And we paid full price! It was totally worth it! I'm going to admit that I loved it! Not only was Zac Effron the cutest high school senior I have ever seen in my life and I got to stare at him for an hour and a half, but it was topped off with laughter, love and brought back some really good memories of mine from my senior year! The night was only made better by going to Aubrey and Dee's to eat dinner followed by going to my place and downloading the soundtrack!

Another part of the school-girl giddiness was the time spent with my family. Even though I hear non-stop how I should stop coming home on the weekends and get a life.... I still love going home! I love spending time with my mom and dad! My dad and I grow closer each time I go down! Sunday night, he and I decided to take a trip down to the library and the bookmobile. While he did some stuff on the computer, I looked for good books to read!

That emotion was kept last night as I went to Aubrey and Dee's again and we spent the night making Chicken Fajita's for dinner and watching Gossip Girl and One Tree Hill! Doing these things are a nice distraction from the broken-ness that has become me!

guess as I look back at this kind of... introspective weekend, I realize that this is just the motions of life. It can take you by surprise. There are good things and bad things that happen to everyone, everyday and it's what you make of them and what you learn from them that will follow you for the rest of your life. As I take a look at myself, this broken record is being pieced back together and I'm slowly becoming the person I want to be! I've learned as I nurture my testimony with the simple little things we are asked to do in our every day lives, it truly gets you where you want to be. It doesn't happen over night and I realize this so for now, I'll keep trying to find that giddy school-girl feeling!