It's The Only One You've Got.....

"It's The Only One You've Got"

How do you know where you're going, When you don't know where you've been

You hide the shame that you're not showing, And you won't let anyone in

A crowded street can be a quiet place, When you're walking alone

And now you think that you're the onlyOne who doesn't

Have to try,And you won't have to feel

If you're afraid to fight, Then i guess you never will

You hide behind your walls, Of maybe nevers

Forgetting that there's something moreThan just knowing better

Your mistakes do not define you now, They tell you who you're not

You've got to live this life you're given, Like it's the only one you've got

Memories have left you broken, And the scars have never healed

The emptiness in you is growing, But so little left to fill

You're scared to look back on the days before, You're too tired to move on

And now you think that you're the only one who doesn't

Have to try, And you won't have to feel

If you're afraid to fight, Then i guess you never will

You hide behind your walls, Of maybe nevers

Forgetting that there's something more, Than just knowing better

Your mistakes do not define you now, They tell you who you're not

You've got to live this life you're given, Like it's the only one you've got

What would it takeTo get you to say, that i'll try

And what would you say if This was the last day of your life

You hide behind your walls, Of maybe nevers

Forgetting that there's something moreThan just knowing better

Your mistakes do not define you now, They tell you who you're not

You've got to live this life you're given, Like it's the only one you've got

You hide behind your walls, Of maybe nevers

Forgetting that there's something moreThan just knowing better

Your mistakes do not define you now, They tell you who you're not

You've got to live this life you're given, Like it's the only one you've got

Well this song has a lot of meaning for me today. I guess I should start from the beginning. A few months ago, my Uncle Kim went to the Dr. for stomach pains he was having. After many tests and waiting, He and my Aunt Susan found out it was cancer. It was a form of cancer that they don't really know a lot about yet. Well it was in his liver and spreading to the lining of his stomach. Some more time went by and it kept spreading. Despite the treatments and medications. He would do a little better and then get worse. Well this time he was doing a little better and then passed away. I knew it was coming. Everyone knew it was coming but I guess in a way I wasn't prepared for it yet. I know he is in a much better place, but there are two reasons why there is sadness along with the happiness of that knowledge. Number 1, I never got to say goodbye. I feel like a horrible niece. After I found out he had cancer, it took me the longest time to call because it hurt too much to believe it. After I finally did call... I didn't call again. I was scared. I was weak and I didn't want to be weak for him and my Aunt Susan. I hope he knows how much I love him... and will never forget him.

Number 2, my heart is aching for my Aunt. She has not had the easiest life. Kim was such a blessing. They were only together for such a short time here on earth. I know without a doubt they will be together forever but I wish they had, had more time here on earth for their Fairy Tale.

Anyway, his funeral is saturday and I know it will be more of a celebration than mourning. I'm sure I'll have something to blog about when I get back from St. George this weekend so until then.....

*Dream Big*

DAVID COOK WON!!! That I have to say was a big highlight of my night, last night! He was amazing and I love how he cried!
I know I just posted yesterday but being a rainy day, there is a lot on my mind. I'm not going to go into detail, I'm just going to post the lyrics to the song that David Cook sang in Tuesday nights show. The one he chose to sing out of the top ten songs that were submitted and voted on! It is what is keeping me going today. It is what is giving me hope!

Dream Big
When I was a little boy,
I swore I would change the world when I grew up.
Nothing else would be enough,
But then it all seemed black and white.

But these days I just can't seem to find the child in me,
Who always believed.

I see it everyday,
We settle for safe,
and lose ourselves along the way.

Cuz if you don't dream big, whats the use in dreaming?
If you don't have faith, there's nothing worth believing.
It takes one look to make the stars worth reaching for.

Took a well perfected plan,
For me to finally understand.
But it's not me,
Faith is something I can see.

I lose the reigns and let them go,
I broke the chain of fear,
That had their hold on me too long,
When all I felt was wrong.

I've wiped my tears away, now it's time for a change.
No I can't waste another day.

Cuz if you don't dream big, whats the use in dreaming?
And if you don't have faith, there's nothing worth believing.
It takes one look to make the stars worth reaching for.
So reach out, for something more!

Isn't it amazing? I thought so! Have a good weekend!

Don't Let It Go To Your Head.....

Ok, so first off I have to tell you I'm officially in love with David Cook on American Idol! He looked so good last night and I thought he did great! So maybe David A is going to win because he is only 17 and he sounds like Josh Groban and blah blah blah blah blah! Maybe he even deserves to win. But in the long run, I think David Cook is going to have more success. David A is so boring. He's good but he only knows how to sing one genre of songs... SLOW. David Cook on the other hand, proved last night that he can do slow and fast. He's a rocker and a hot one at that! So for all you David A fans out there... (MOM), while you are out there supporting him... I will be holding out for the day that David Cooks first album comes out and I can hang a poster of him on my wall!
So... I found this new song. I love when you find new songs for the first time! It's kind of like when you put on a pair of jeans you haven't worn for a long time and you find a 5 dollar bill in your pocket! Anyway, so you find a new song and you listen to it over and over and it kind of becomes like, this soundtrack to your life. You think about the words and how they apply to your life or how they have applied to a certain situation in the past... the melody gets stuck in your head and you find yourself wanting to listen to this song all the time. It's great right? Like right now I'm at work and a song I hate is on the radio and it just makes me want to go out and sit in my car, just to listen to this new song I found. Well I guess I didn't exactly "find" it. Skyler showed it to me.
Oh Skyler... she finally moved in with me! Yay! My best friend is living with me and it's great! She got up here around 7:30 last night. I was in the middle of freaking out while David Cook was performing so I made her watch the rest of it with me! Then, we went to Training Table. I haven't eaten there since I was like 5 and it was good but I wasn't too impressed. Anyway, for some reason while I was placing our order, I said large drinks.... I didn't know that in Training Table talk that meant drinks the size of the Provo river! They were huge! America is so supersized in their eating these days. Ew.... Well being girls, of course we stayed up till like 2 am talking and slumbered in her room! (Which we'll probably do like every night!) It's really good to have her up here!
Anyway, back to my song. Skyler was showing me all the ringtones she had on her phone and that was one of them. The melody was pretty catchy so I asked her to go her car and get the c.d with the song on it. I think I listened to it like 20 times! It's amazing! I even stole it out of her c.d player this morning and listened to it 3 times on the way to work! It was awesome!

"Don't Let It Go To Your Head"
So what if I came clean, And told you all you mean to me
So what if I meant every word I said, Baby don't let it go to your head
So what if I write your name, Cause you're always on my brain
In a heart, I paint it crimson red, Baby don't let it go to your head
Don't be getting any big ideas, Let me make it clear
[Chorus:]Just cause I can't go on
Just cause I die when you're gone
Just cause I think of you in bed
Don't let it go to your head
If I looked in your eyesOne, two, too many times
And memorized every word you said
Don't let it go to your head....

So thats just part of the song but thats the part that gets me the most excited! You see, this is how I feel about this boy... I like him. Alot. And it scares me a ton! It's a scary thing to put your heart out there! So what if I do all these things the song talks about? So what if I smile when I think about him or my heart jumps when I'm walking through the mall and I smell his cologne.... So what if can't sleep at night cuz I feel like I'm living in a dream and I don't want to wake up. All these things scare me to death and even though I feel like I'm falling hard, he better not let it go to his head because I'm not letting my guard down that easily....
Anyway, if you want to check out the song it's called "Don't let it go to your head" by Fefe Dobson. It's in my playlist to the right as well!

I hope all of you have a wonderful rainy day! Maybe play in the rain or kiss someone in the rain or just open the door and breath in the smell of the rain. Fall asleep to the sound of it with your window open or curl up on the couch and watch it pour! Whatever you do... take time to enjoy it! You only live life once! ~ Later

What Comes After The Blues....

So... the sun is shining today and it's beautiful! I suppose thats just to go along with my mood! Yes... even though I'm at work on a saturday I'm in a fantastic mood! It could be that I'm only running on about 3 hours sleep... It could be that I got the second season of Lost from Aubrey and I started it at about 3:00 this morning... Or it could be that I have had a great weekend so far! I know you're all curious so I'll tell you!

It all started on Thursday night. I got off work a couple hours early so that I could go on home and go to an Open house for my Uncle (Who was my highschool principal) and one of my favorite teachers, Mr. Ellefson! (He was my concert choir teacher, my Humanities teacher and my College English teacher. They have both been in the education system for a long time and are now retiring. So as I arrived at the highschool, I began to get really excited knowing I would see cousins I hadn't seen in a long time and a lot of the people from the community. Well... I have to say after a while the excitement wore off! Answering questions like "Where are you at?" "Are you going to school?" "Where do you work", Kind of got old... really fast! Luckily I was able to escape for a few minutes to sit with my two nephews and my niece, while their parents went in to mingle for a little while. This was a great experience for me because these are my brothers kids who I don't know very well but it turns out that even though they don't know me, they love me just the same! And Emma Kate is one of the most beautiful babies!

Eventually the parents came back and I had to retreat back inside. It wasn't as bad because all my other brother's and sister's were there so I could kind of hide out with them for a little bit to escape the madness of curious aquaintances whom I hadn't seen for a long period of time.

I was finally able to leave after wishing the two men well and telling them thank-you for everything they had done for me. As I drove home I reflected on my time in highschool and the roles that these two men played during those four years. I had always been close with my Uncle. As a family, the Ericksens do a lot together so we're all really tight but being in highschool and having him there was a huge comfort to me and it brought us even closer together. I remember one time, when Emilee was in the hospital having Cambree and going through everything she went through. My parents were up north with her and Ben and I was home alone, trying to cope on my own and not knowing everything that was happening. My uncle John gave me a beautiful blessing. I can't quite remember the words but I know it's what got me through and led me to believe everything would be ok. He is a big part of my life and I look to him as a second father!

After thinking these deep thoughts, I arrived home and realized I only had about 45 minutes to clean my car. Now for those of you who don't know... I have the messiest car in the entire world. No really, I do! I live out of my car. There are the essentials... cd's, lotion, pens, make-up. Add to that clothes, water bottles, movies, books, a george forman grill, otterpops from walmart, shoes, papers, socks, coats and anything else you can think of! It doesn't really bother me to have my car like this, but you see there is this boy...:) Anyway, we were going to his companions wedding reception in SLC on friday and he didn't know if his car would make it so we decided to take mine... hints the cleaning! Surprisingly it only took me a small amount of time to shove everything into the trunk :) Next I moved onto the vaccuming and wiping down the interior. All the while I'm thinking that this boy better appreciate this cuz I don't do this for just anyone!

After I finished with that, I headed down to my brothers house to join all my brothers and sisters and their kids for a "singstar party"! In case you don't know, singstar is totally the new guitar hero! Our family frequently battles at this game and I have to say, we are all pretty good! Afterwards we decided to have a little bit of a spiritual experience.

Last week, my brothers did a fireside for our stake. You see there is this video on Youtube that is a skit to the song "Everything" by Lifehouse. After watching this, my brother decided he wanted to show all the youth. (He's a Bishop by the way!) So the skit starts out with a man and a girl on stage. The man is portraying Jesus and he is creating the girl. He gives her a heart and legs and arms. After a little bit he sends her off into the world. First, she is seduced by a man in all black with a red rose. She then is seduced by money, alcohol, beauty and self destruction. All this time, Christ is on the sidelines trying to pull her in. Finally she tries to get back to him but all the people that are portraying these worldly things are just pushing her down. After some time, Christ reaches her and is blocking her from the bad things as they trying to get to her. The people fall down and Christ makes her whole again. It's only four minutes of this beautiful, breathtaking scene to a heartwrenching song. We watched the recording of it. My brother Benji played Christ and it really hit me hard. He is such an example to me and the role was perfect for him. What also hit me hard was the fact that I know what it's like to be that girl. Granted some of the things I haven't experienced but it brought tears to my eyes thinking thats what Christ was experiencing while I went through my struggles. He was pulling for me. He is pulling for everyone of us.

As I drove back up to Provo that night I thought about how greatful I am for the lessons I have learned. I am also so greatful for my family. They mean the world to me! Every single one of them and they are my best friends!

So friday started off with a bang!... Ok, not really. It was one of the most boring, slow fridays I've had here in my 4 months at work! Aubrey and I did go to lunch and that was fun! After I rushed home to get ready to go pick this boy up. The rest of the night was great... until the Jazz game! I was so ticked! Ok, why was CJ Miles in there? Why did Kyle Korver not get more playing time and why does Boozer all the sudden pretty much suck in the post season games? Well dissappointed is all I have to say about my boys! The rest of the night was great! I ended up getting home around 3:15-ish. (I know I know but we were talking and watching Fresh Prince!) Anyway, thanks to my good friend Aubrey I totally started watching LOST! It's amazing! I got season one from her on tuesday, finished it by Friday and she gave me season two! Well not being able to sleep because of my great night... I HAD to start watching the second season! So that 3 hours of sleep is treating me well right about now! Well I'm sure I'll have a lot more to say about this weekend as it ends but for now... "I'm actin as if this blue sky is never going to rain down on me!" Later!

I love you Mom...

In honor of it being Mothers Day on sunday, I thought I would write a quick post dedicated to my hero... my Mom! (Even though I don't think she reads blogs!)

My mom hasn't always had an easy life! In fact because of what she has been through, she is one of the strongest people I know. She has always been there for me, no matter the mistakes I make or the way I treat her...

I just want her to know how much I love her! She is my rock. I wouldn't trade her for any other mother in the world!

I love you Mom!