alright... it's friday.
i guess that means it's time to get down to the issues that have been on my mind lately.
as you all know, there have been a lot of stories in
the news lately about bullying= suicide for people of all ages around the world.
(the gay vs. not gay issues that are involved in some of these stories, i'm not even going to touch on that;
just fair warning)
bully: a blustering, quarrelsome, overbearing person who
habitually badgers and intimidates smaller or weaker people.
growing up, i was a pretty lonely kid. i related better to adults,
being that the siblings i grew up with, were 8-10 years older than myself.
i was desperate for people to like me, and terrified to let people in.
i was never in one specific "clique". i moved around from group to group,
figuring that way i had more friends but also not ever quite
fitting into the group the same ways they did.
it finally came to a breaking point where i wasn't "cool" enough to be with the
"popular" crowd because I had friends who were not of that crowd and
those friends were intimidated by me, them thinking i SHOULD
be with the "popular" crowd.
at the same time this was happening, i was also going through something at home that was
not pleasant and something i shouldn't have gone through alone.
i began to rely on myself and my family.
my life began to change.
i came to the realization that i needed to be around the people that mattered most.
at school, i would hang out in my cousin's classroom at any free time
i had, or, if that was not possible, i would sit in the hall and read a book, silently watching the goings on around me from the corner of my eye.
during the summer, i would get up, go to tennis classes and come home,
spending the days and evenings with my family.
you know that dream "sweet sixteen" birthday party?
i never got that. but i still believe spending it with my family was better than it could have ever been with a bunch of "friends".
school came around again and i still didn't know where i fit in. after i went through the things i did in my home life, i no longer believed in the superficial things the "popular" crowd did but i didn't want to let
anyone else in because of fear.
i made it through that year focusing on tennis and school. i made a few acquaintances
but that was all.
towards the end of the year, i competed in the "Miss Fairview" pageant and won.
for so long i had felt like an outcast, and now i was the center of attention.
i felt pressure. i felt that the person i was, STILL wasn't going to be enough for these people.
i wish i could say i took the high road.
i wish i could say i didn't cave and become what i was convinced everyone else wanted me to be. but that would be lying.
i developed an eating disorder. i became very thin, tan, blonde: the epitome of the Barbie stereotype.
people actually began to flock to me.
maybe it is because i had more self confidence. but how can you have self confidence, vying for everyones approval?
i'm still amazed to this day, how different people acted around me. it's sickening.
but with the help of my family and my Savior, i overcame this problem.
by the end of high school i had only a few "true" friends and that was ok with me.
the "popular" crowd was still superficial and mean but high school was over and i was moving on.
it's been almost 5 years since high school but some of the things people said/ did to me,
still haunt me to this day.
it amazes me how people who have been out of high school longer than i have,
still act this way.
it also amazes me that i still have to go through periods of time where i find out who my true friends are.
deciding whether to build bridges or to burn them is something i find myself doing,
sometimes weekly.
it's taken a long time but i am no longer crippled by them. i am now on the brink of finding
myself.
it gets better.
which is a helpline for gays (again, not going to touch that subject)
but it's a message for everyone.
from past experience: it DOES get better.
there was a point where i was at the lowest of the low. i had hit rock bottom and
i felt that there was no way up.
i felt the pain and the weight of everything gone wrong in my life on my shoulders.
but it got better.
lives are fragile. people are important.
it doesn't matter who they are or if they have the same beliefs we do,
they are still children of God and should be treated with the same
respect you would want to be treated.
everyone has a right to their own beliefs and practices.
it's called free agency.
but who are we to judge them or cast stones upon them?
trending topic on twitter. if you don't know what that is, click on the link and you will
find everyone in the world who is trying to make a difference.
after this became a trending topic, actress Brittany Snow got with MTV to launch a project that is explained as this:
"Love Is Louder is a movement that is hopefully going to bring some awareness and make some noise when it comes to teens who are feeling suicidal or even just sad, outcasts and being bullied and really feel like they have nowhere to turn."
loveislouder.com has an excellent list of resources that kids (or even adults i believe) can turn to instead of turning to the same resolution we hear of from stories in the news: suicide.
please people, just know that IT GETS BETTER!
if you're on the other side of this, help someone who needs to know it gets better.
be an example, teach, care, love....
we CAN make this world a better place and
it's got to start somewhere.....
xoxo-Whitters
