liFe UneXpeCtEd.....

alright...

so i had started a post last tuesday about how nerdy i am because i bought 

a set of dvd's from the history channel called "Haunted Histories" and it has dvd's all about 

the history of my favorite holiday, Halloween, and the history of vampires 

and the salem witch trials and poltergeist and all these really awesome things and i was

going to finish the post when i got to work on wednesday 

but.....

then something completely unexpected happened wednesday morning.... 

this...

and this....

at around 8:25 wednesday morning, i was just about 2-2.5 miles south of the billy's mtn.

turn-off, driving around a turn when i saw a yellow diesel truck driving the opposite way of me, 

and coming into my lane.

my natural reflexes kicked in. i think i heard somewhere that it's even an 

athletes reflex to jerk to the right.

well, thats what i did to get out of this trucks way.

i lost control of my car, spun around and rolled 1&1.5 times.

the next thing i remember was hanging upside down by my seatbelt and i think the first

thought that came to my mind was, "i have to get out of this car. it might be on fire or something else might happen if i stay in." 

so i climbed through that teeny, tiny hole you see in the back window.

the car did land upside down so i was crawling on the roof.

everything that happened afterwards is kind of a long story.

my injuries are VERY minor compared to what they could've been. 

a little whip lash, some definite soreness and a couple bruises.

now, there is a statement that i've said quite a bit in the last couple years 

"I've been to way too many funerals of people I love for only being 22."

i will never say this statement again.

you see, i have friends in Heaven, and family too.

my Uncle Kim, Aunt Kay, Grandpa and Grandma Ericksen, Grandpa Bruce, my unborn 

nephew Lawson and others...

and i know it was those Guardian Angels that were watching over me 

wednesday morning.

this year has been a tough one for me. i've struggled somewhat majorly with my depression and feelings 

of hopelessness and not wanting to be here. 

things have gotten A LOT better for me in the past 3 months but now i know, 

without a shadow of a doubt that i am here for a purpose. 

the first roll my car took was on top of a pretty big boulder, that crushed in the backseat on 

the drivers side. 

if my car had hit that boulder even 2 feat further, i most likely would not be here 

to tell you about it today.

and i will thank my Heavenly Father everyday for the rest of my life that I am here! 

i am VERY blessed!

the driver of the truck that was coming into my lane pulled over for a minute and after he saw other people trying to take care of me, he nonchalantly asked if everyone was ok and then took off. 

the Highway Patrolman said he was going to do what he could to see if he could find this guy

but we haven't heard anything yet. 

that part of it really sucks. but i know that the insurance and money and new car stuff will all work out! 

this accident opened my eyes about how quickly life can be taken away from us. i feel, in a way,

it was maybe Heavenly Fathers way of telling me that i need to get my butt in gear and become the best person that i can be because the end really is near.

not saying the end for me, but the Second Coming is near. 

everyday this world gets more and more wicked and it gets harder to fight against the evilness but it IS possible to do so, and to win. 

also, i know it hasn't even been a week since it happened, but i've really been trying these past couple days to  find the joy in everything. life is way too short to spend it obsessing over the little things when we should be looking at the big picture. i've been reading this book titled "The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin

the books is all about how she spent a year of her life, testing theories and studies about being happier. 

it's actually become a really insightful book and i would really recommend it to everyone. 

if you're curious and have some free time, go mess around on her blog and read all about her happiness project and how you can start your own! 

http://www.happiness-project.com/

well thats all for now.

other than the fact that it's been cloudy, rainy and snowy this weekend and i've loved that i could just stay in pj's and my dad has started building fires in our wood burning stove! 

the social life of living at home kind of sucks but this is the season that i love most being at home! 

i can't wait till january comes and my Sky Sky and Casey move up here with me!!! 

xoxo-whitters

#Loveislouder

alright... it's friday. 

i guess that means it's time to get down to the issues that have been on my mind lately. 

as you all know, there have been a lot of stories in 

the news lately about bullying= suicide for people of all ages around the world.

(the gay vs. not gay issues that are involved in some of these stories, i'm not even going to touch on that; 

just fair warning)

bully: a blustering, quarrelsome, overbearing person who 

habitually badgers and intimidates smaller or weaker people.

growing up, i was a pretty lonely kid. i related better to adults, 

being that the siblings i grew up with, were 8-10 years older than myself. 

i was desperate for people to like me, and terrified to let people in. 

i was never in one specific "clique". i moved around from group to group,

figuring that way i had more friends but also not ever quite

fitting into the group the same ways they did.

it finally came to a breaking point where i wasn't "cool" enough to be with the 

"popular" crowd because I had friends who were not of that crowd and 

those friends were intimidated by me, them thinking i SHOULD

be with the "popular" crowd.

at the same time this was happening, i was also going through something at home that was

not pleasant and something i shouldn't have gone through alone.

i began to rely on myself and my family.

my life began to change. 

i came to the realization that i needed to be around the people that mattered most. 

at school, i would hang out in my cousin's classroom at any free time 

i had, or, if that was not possible, i would sit in the hall and read a book, silently watching the goings on around me from the corner of my eye.

during the summer, i would get up, go to tennis classes and come home,

spending the days and evenings with my family. 

you know that dream "sweet sixteen" birthday party? 

i never got that. but i still believe spending it with my family was better than it could have ever been with a bunch of "friends". 

school came around again and i still didn't know where i fit in. after i went through the things i did in my home life, i no longer believed in the superficial things the "popular" crowd did but i didn't want to let 

anyone else in because of fear. 

i made it through that year focusing on tennis and school. i made a few acquaintances

but that was all.

towards the end of the year, i competed in the "Miss Fairview" pageant and won. 

for so long i had felt like an outcast, and now i was the center of attention. 

i felt pressure. i felt that the person i was, STILL wasn't going to be enough for these people.

i wish i could say i took the high road.

i wish i could say i didn't cave and become what i was convinced everyone else wanted me to be. but that would be lying. 

i developed an eating disorder. i became very thin, tan, blonde: the epitome of the Barbie stereotype.

people actually began to flock to me. 

maybe it is because i had more self confidence. but how can you have self confidence, vying for everyones approval?

i'm still amazed to this day, how different people acted around me. it's sickening. 

but with the help of my family and my Savior, i overcame this problem. 

by the end of high school i had only a few "true" friends and that was ok with me.

the "popular" crowd was still superficial and mean but high school was over and i was moving on. 

it's been almost 5 years since high school but some of the things people said/ did to me, 

still haunt me to this day.

it amazes me how people who have been out of high school longer than i have,

still act this way.

it also amazes me that i still have to go through periods of time where i find out who my true friends are. 

deciding whether to build bridges or to burn them is something i find myself doing, 

sometimes weekly.

it's taken a long time but i am no longer crippled by them. i am now on the brink of finding  

myself. 

it gets better.

yes this video has to do with the trevor project

which is a helpline for gays (again, not going to touch that subject)

but it's a message for everyone. 

from past experience: it DOES get better.

there was a point where i was at the lowest of the low. i had hit rock bottom and

i felt that there was no way up.

i felt the pain and the weight of everything gone wrong in my life on my shoulders.

but it got better. 

lives are fragile. people are important. 

it doesn't matter who they are or if they have the same beliefs we do,

they are still children of God and should be treated with the same

respect you would want to be treated. 

everyone has a right to their own beliefs and practices. 

it's called free agency.

but who are we to judge them or cast stones upon them?

#loveislouder is a 

trending topic on twitter. if you don't know what that is, click on the link and you will 

find everyone in the world who is trying to make a difference.

after this became a trending topic, actress Brittany Snow got with MTV to launch a project that is explained as this:

"Love Is Louder is a movement that is hopefully going to bring some awareness and make some noise when it comes to teens who are feeling suicidal or even just sad, outcasts and being bullied and really feel like they have nowhere to turn."

loveislouder.com has an excellent list of resources that kids (or even adults i believe) can turn to instead of turning to the same resolution we hear of from stories in the news: suicide.

please people, just know that IT GETS BETTER!

if you're on the other side of this, help someone who needs to know it gets better.

be an example, teach, care, love....

we CAN make this world a better place and

it's got to start somewhere.....

xoxo-Whitters

breathe again...

so over the weekend i was thinking about what i want to be for 

halloween.

this is my dream costume....

i am OBSESSED with the old south during the 1860's lately! 

(well, the one that is portrayed in movies and books, not the whole slavery/ civil war thing!)

i love it all! 

the dresses, the plantations, the big houses with the lavish parties and 

well spoken, well educated people.

it would be my dream vacation to go back there to Georgia, Louisiana, Alabama,

North Carolina and so many more places!

there is such a mystique and mythological world that resonates from these

places and it would be so much fun to be able to see 

this brought to life! 

ok so i don't want to get too deep today. i do have a lot of issues that have been

on my mind over the past couple days but this beautiful grey, fall day has me in a really good mood!

so i'll just share with you some songs that i have been obsessed with lately!

time of our lives- tyrone wells

only one- alex band

breathe again- sara bareilles

now.. these might all seem like really sad songs to you.

but some of the greatest pictures are painted by the lyrics in these songs!

and sometimes people like to live in the heartache and the pain.

sometimes it's because these are the words they are too afraid to say.

sometimes it because they find comfort in the pain, it might be all they've ever known.

and sometimes it's because the heartache in these words reminds them that

somewhere out there is something better.

and that something is just waiting to 

be invited in. 

happy monday! xoxo