Times Like These...

What I've been doing:

-Playing with my new MacBook

-Sleeping/ taking cold pills/ sleeping some more

-Hanging out with Aubrey and her roommates while eating awesome food that they cook and watching t.v. shows such as Gossip Girl and One Tree Hill!

-Getting hooked on a new, hilarious t.v show called Pushing Daisies... (Random quotes will come at the end of this post)

-Drinking plenty of fluids including and or not excluding Vanilla Coke Zero

-Working (or what working consists of which is playing on my computer or reading a book since we are so slow lately)

-Waiting for the 3 hour season premiere of Heroes which happens to fall on the same night as One Tree Hill... Whatever will I do?

-Watching Gilmore Girls seasons 2-7 whenever I get a chance because I have them all on dvd, a very small social life because of the current sickness my body is experiencing and lets face it, I have a MacBook now and I can do whatever I want!

What I get to do:


-Wear jeans to work today

-Get free lunch from Chilli's, courtesy of work

-Take a short break from work to go to my house and pack my bags

-Drive home for an hour, listening to millions of my fantastic cd's

-See my favorite people in the world- my parents to which I haven't seen since Monday morning

-Eat free Chinese Food, hopefully with orange juice that my parents bring home

-Spend my night either watching episodes of Season 4 of Lost online, or episodes of Pushing Daisies that I have yet to see

-Sleep in all morning long on saturday

-Spend my day lying around, hopefully getting rid of this chest cough I have going on

-Sleep in Sunday morning, hopefully be able to get up in time to drive back up north to go to my new ward for the first time

-Sleep all night Sunday night and wake up Monday morning, ready to party for a new week!

Any of this sound exciting to anyone else? Nope, just me? Alrighty then!



"What? You love secrets. You want to marry secrets and have little half-secret, half-human babies!"

"Olive Snook had been delivering pies for weeks, not realizing she was a homeopathic drug mule."

"I wish I could give you an emotional Heimlich so you could cough up that fear and anxiety, but I can't."

" Sometimes a crime of passion is not realizing the passion in time, while other times the crime is not seeing the world as it is. But most crimes of passion are, actually, a crime."

And just because I'm really into doing the quotes thing right now, I think I'm going to post some Gilmore Girls quotes as well.... cuz I just love that show! If ya don't wanna read them, don't. I won't be offended. I promise!

"This town is like one big outpatient mental institution"

" I don't even like kids. They always have jam on their hands. Even when there isn't any jam in the house, they get jam on their hands. I can't deal with jam hands"

"Women don't eat at all. They just look at food then jump on the treadmill"

"This tastes pink. Really pink. It's really bad; it's like drinking My Little Pony"

"What happened to all the competent people? That's what I'd like to know. Was there some giant hole they all fell into or a virus that struck them all down, leaving the morons of the world to sit behind the desks?"

Leaving Town Alive

Yes, leaving town alive... that is what I'm trying to do right now.
I had the chance on Saturday afternoon to come home to Fairview.... I was debating on whether or not to do this because I knew I would just be coming back up to Provo the next day for church, at 1:10. (BTW, who the heck has church at 1:10?)
Anyway, looks like there was a reason I decided to actually come. You see... last week one of my co-workers got sick. She just has to come to work.... no matter what. Well, she works the drive-up window, which is where her computer is and when she is gone, it's easier for one of us to just use her computer and work the window instead of 3 of us having to turn from the lobby to watch the window constantly. Well she finally did end up calling in sick and it was my turn to take her computer. Big mistake.
Now, if you know me at work... or if you work with me and have ever noticed, I use the germ-x stuff like you wouldn't believe. After every person I help and a lot more than that. I did this, thinking it would suffice... well I was wrong. Thursday and Friday I felt a sore throat and stuffy nose coming on but I thought I wouldn't get it bad because it was taking a long time. By Saturday night I was a mess. I went to bed at 10:00 and to be at my parents house, going to bed at the time is early for me! I woke up about 7 times in the middle of the night to blow my nose, get more blankets and so on. By the time morning came and my alarm went off, I stood up and my head literally felt like it had been hit by a diesel truck. Standing was very challenging. I took some cold pills with orange juice and that felt like a cactus was sliding down my throat. I think all the stuffiness from my head that was draining to my stomach was making me want to throw up too. So I slept on a off until about 10. By this time I had already decided that I was staying home and not going up to Provo for church. I started reading a new book my dad bought for his library called "Eyes of a stranger" by Rachel Ann Nunes... I recommend it to all! Between blowing my nose, and plain just feeling awful, I finished the book around 1:30. Now what to do?
My stomach was growling so loudly that I'm sure the neighbors could've heard it, but I still didn't have an appetite. My mom got up to fix my dad dinner and proceeded to make me chicken noodle soup... awww the perks of being able to come home! I ate a little bit of that and went into my room to lay down. Not being able to sleep, I decided to turn on Singles Ward. I can't tell you how much funnier that movie is after actually being in a singles ward! Plus, it got me all wanting to find a "righteous dude" to spend forever with!
Afterwards, I closed my eyes and slept for about an hour which brought me to now. I'm at the stage where I don't want to go home to my new, trashy apartment to sleep on the floor just yet, but I don't want to wake up at the crack of dawn to drive to Provo to work. Decisions, decisions.... I'm thinking I'll milk it for as long as I can at home! Sound good to anyone else?
Oh yeah, if you're wondering about the "new, trashy apartment to sleep on the floor" comment, I also moved into a new place this week. I hate it. Bathroom= gross... kitchen= gross... bed= very uncomfortable and creaks every time I move, thus waking my roommate up. So yes, I wash myself out of the sink and only shower when I have to, I don't eat or really do anything in the kitchen and I sleep on the floor in the middle of our room. I guess with rent only $245 flat rate, what do ya expect? So coming home on the weekends may be a regular thing for me from now on.
Well looking at the bright side? One Tree Hill is a new episode tomorrow night... I bought a Macbook yesterday to which I got a free I pod touch (I promise, that didn't influence my decision... ok maybe just a little!)... a guy asked me for my phone number for his friend on Saturday at work and while the guy is kind of dense himself, his friend actually called me first instead of texting so that got him some brownie points with me :) And even though I hate the place I live, I really feel that there is a reason I should be there. I don't know what it is. Maybe I'm going to meet someone. Not my future husband or anything like that, but someone is going to change my life. I'm kind of excited to see how that plays out! Oh and I've lost like 15 pounds!
I keep thinking about all of these things and a lot of times it out weighs the bad. One more thing... my sister is getting better! It has been a long road for her this past month but I think if this is the end of it, if she can finally be able to come home and be with her daughter and her husband, it would make all the difference in the world! Either way we love you Em and you are still in our prayers every day and night!
I'll let ya know how the Leaving Town Alive thing works out for me............

Mercy

"Mercy" by One Republic

Angel of Mercy

How did you find me?

Where did you read my story?

Pulled from the papers

Desperate and hardened

seeking a momentary fix

All I wanted to say

All I wanted to do

Is fall apart now

All I wanted to feel

I wanted to love

Its all my fault now

A Tragedy I fear

Angel of Mercy

How did you find me?

How did you pick me up again?

Angel of Mercy

How did you move me?

Why am I on my feet again?

And I see you

Whoa Whoa Whoa

I feel you

Whoa Whoa Whoa

Before just the daylight

Come and I stand by

Waiting to catch the quickest plane

Fly me to nowhere it's better than somewhere

That's where I've been and nothing's changed

All I wanted to say

All I wanted to do

Is fall apart now

All I wanted to feel

I wanted to love

Its all my fault now

A Tragedy for sure

Angel of Mercy

How did you find me?

How did you pick me up again?

Angel of Mercy

How did you move me?

Why am I on my feet again?

And I see you

Whoa I feel you

Whoa I'm so lost in you

A tragedy seemed to be over now

A tragedy it seemed to be

Angel of Mercy

How did you find me?

How did you pick me up again?

Angel of Mercy

How did you move me?

Why am I on my feet again?

And I see you whoa

I feel you Whoa

I feel you

Oh Whoa I feel you Oh Oh Oh

The Leavers Dance....

Hey,
So I've been having a get in bed and pull the covers over your head kind of week.
You ever have one of those? I've just been thinking a lot, more so remembering like when I was younger at my Grandma's funeral .... it was the first funeral I had ever gone to and I remember trying to find her. Not with my eyes but... maybe with my heart?
Sometimes I wonder what the process is after a person dies... I mean do they hang around the funeral to like... make sure they get a proper burial? And I guess to make sure everyone is doing ok?
So I looked for my Grandma, I tried to feel her there. But I couldn't, ya know? There was no rush of warm air or tingle at the back of my head... just nothing. Like that girl in A Chorus Line who is pretending to be a bobsled and everyone in the class is shouting "I feel the snow, I feel the cold, I feel the air!" And she just says "I felt nothing". That was me... Well not totally nothing, the knot in my stomach and the lump in my throat were certainly there. But I didn't feel her.
That night I remember I was lying in my bed and I thought back to the night before. I had been sleeping at Chelsy's house... (my best friend from Elementary)... we had probably been to bed that night by like 9 because thats the bed time of kids in Elementary, right? I don't know it's been too long... anyway, I woke up around 2 in the morning and couldn't fall back to sleep.I specifically remember looking at the clock because I was trying to see a picture of the Backstreet Boys she had on the wall, with the glow of the red numbers... But I had a calm feeling. Kind of, a happy feeling. The next morning when my Dad and Mom came to get me, they told me my Grandma had died around 2:00 that night. Also that a lot of my family members had woken up around the same time in the middle of the night.
I'd like to believe that was my Grandma. Maybe sending her spirit to all of our family as she entered the spirit world. Or maybe I just needed to believe in it at that moment.

There is this poem that I heard and it kind of makes me feel like I'm not totally crazy....
I am standing upon the seashore.
A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength.
I stand and watch her until at length she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.
Then someone at my sidesays:
“There, she is gone!”“Gone where?”Gone from my sight.
That is all.
She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side, and she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her destined port.
Her diminished size is in me, not in her.
And just at the moment when someone at my side says,
“There, she is gone!”
there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices ready to take up the glad shout:
“Here she comes!”
And that is dying.

I went to talk to her yesterday. Talking in the sense of a one-sided conversation. You know, taking flowers... sitting on the grass in front of the headstone... looking like you need to be taken to the looney bin because you are talking to yourself. I like to think she is listening, maybe even watching me. I just needed her to know that I think about her all the time. That she was such a classy example to me and sometimes I want to be just like her. And that my Dad needs her. He doesn't admit it, but a boy needs his mother. No matter how old he gets. He needs her just like I need him.

So if you're missing someone tonight, wondering where they might be... I hope this helps. The lump in your throat and the knot in your stomach you feel when the world comes crashing down, it goes away. I don't know how, but it does. It just takes time... But hey, if you find a way to make it all go away faster... feel free to let me know!

Echoes, Silence, Patience and Grace....

First I want to say thank-you to everyone who so graciously offered me a place to stay for a little while if needs be! I promise if I can't find anything by October 1st, I will let you know!

Second... Aubrey I love you to death but don't read this post unless you want season 5 to be totally ruined for you before you borrow my dvd's and actually watch them! :)





Now... One Tree Hill season 6 starts tonight! I know that everyone is as excited as I am (ok....maybe not EVERYONE....:)




So tell me... who do you think Lucas called?





We all knew it was time for him to make a final decision on a girl....




Was it Brooke?




Was it Lindsay?



Or was it Peyton? Who lets face it, was meant to be with Lucas and he with her. As much as I love Lucas and Brooke together.... And after watching season 5 again on dvd I have come to like Lindsay and actually feel kind of bad for her because no one really gave her a chance.... Lucas and Peyton are the couple the whole show was centered around in the first place! So I wonder who it's going to be????