The Places You Have Come To Fear The Most....

Hey guys! So I'm at work, bored and my mind is racing so I thought I'd write a little bit to distract myself! But if I go too deep today then it'll probably bring me out of this completely blissed out mood I'm in! So lets just keep it casual....

The top 5 movies I'd want on a deserted island...
1. Step Up (Channing Tatum is really good looking in this one girls!)
2. P.S I love you, if ya haven't seen it.. it comes out May 6th. Go pick it up!
3. Dirty Dancing- Totally have to have the classic
4. Beauty and the Beast- Best movie of all time
5. Um... the Presteige? Or The Wedding Singer or Almost Famous.....

Lets just hope if I'm on a deserted Island I have my laptop, the internet and power!

Ok... Top 5 songs I would want on a deserted island...
1. Far Away- Nickleback
2. So Contagious- Acceptance
3. Cupids Chokehold- Gym Class Heroes
4. Hotel California- The Eagles
5. I don't know... something by Carrie Underwood, or something hip hop that I can dance too or rock-n-roll that I can headbang to. Maybe one of the oldies.... Note to self, gotta expand the list to more tham 5!
Gosh, I'm rambling... But as long as I am, here's what sucks about boys: They're afraid to be themselves. Here's what sucks about girls: They're afriad to be themselves.
What sucks is that by the time you're my age and dating people... everyone has already been burned once or twice and no one is really willing to lower their guard. It's safer that way... emotionally. Thats how I'm feeling right now. Trusting someone is hard. Especially guys. I mean in all the movies and books about relationships, they never talk about how guys really are... and no, I'm not gonna into to the whole cliched lecture about why we don't have the fairy tale prince, who takes us away on a white horse, to a land of gumdrop houses and rainbow slides. I stopped EXPECTING that a long time ago. But that doesn't mean I don't want it. I think everybody does.
You know.... some people fear animals. Some fear small, confined spaces or not washing their hands enough. You know what I fear? My heart. Giving your heart away is scary! And sometimes it leaves before your mind can tell it to slow down!
I'm trying to be smart about this. Trying not to get too deep. I mean you would think I would learn from past experience but for some reason my heart just takes 15 steps ahead of my mind.
I guess thats ok though. I mean... taking risks. It's what life is all about! Sometimes you have to take risks just to know you're still alive. I guess thats why we have to put our hearts out there, to know that we're still alive. And to find that thing we want to be alive for.
And I said I wasn't going deep today! Luckily I'm still in my blissed out mood!
Later.... :)

A Year Later.....

"Lessons Learned"
There's some things that I regret, Some words I wish had gone unsaid, Some starts, That had some bitter endings. Been some bad times I've been through, Damage I cannot undo, Some things, I wish I could do all all over again. But it don't really matter, Life gets that much harder, It makes you that much stronger. Oh, some pages turned, Some bridges burned, But there were,Lessons learned.
[Chorus:]And every tear that had to fall from my eyes, Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night. Every change, life has thrown me. I'm thankful, for every break in my heart, I'm grateful, for every scar. Some pages turned, Some bridges burned, But there were lessons learned.
There's mistakes that I have made, Some chances I just threw away, Some roads,I never should've taken. Been some signs I didn't see, Hearts that I hurt needlessly, Some wounds, That I wish I could have one more chance to mend. But it don't make no difference,The past can't be rewritten, You get the life you're given. Oh, some pages turned, Some bridges burned, But there were,Lessons learned.
[Chorus:]And every tear that had to fall from my eyes, Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night. Every change, life has thrown me. I'm thankful, for every break in my heart, I'm grateful, for every scar. Some pages turned, Some bridges burned, But there were lessons learned.
And all the things that break you, Are all the things that make you strong.You can't change the past, Cause it's gone. And you just gotta move on, Because it's all, Lessons learned.
[Chorus:]And every tear that had to fall from my eyes, Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night, Every change, life has thrown me. I'm thankful, for every break in my heart, I'm grateful, for every scar. Some pages turned, Some bridges burned, But there were lessons learned. Oh, some pages turned, Some bridges burned, But there were lessons learned.
Lessons learned.

The Games That Play Us....

Do you ever feel like you've been played by life? Like you forget the important things and get so caught up in the way you feel about LOOKS and MONEY and POSESSIONS? I've been really caught up in this lately. I'll admit, I've always had a problem with the way I look. I've always been self conscious and as a result, I've been through some really tough things. So now that I've gained a few pounds, I've started to question what I'm really worth to anyone. Why would a guy go out with me? What do I have to offer if I'm not beautiful and perfectly thin or in shape? Sure there are things I can do... Like going to the gym, which I will start doing after I move but as of right now I don't have the time. I don't really eat a lot but I guess I could cut out all sugar.
Yes, these things can fix how I feel on the outside, but what about how I feel on the inside? What about the part of me that is yearning for someone to love me for me. Someone to love me if I was 200 pounds heavier or 90 pounds lighter. Someone who loves my laugh and the things I do? Someone who wants to talk to me all night long and watch the sun come up with me in his arms.
Yes I know this is cheesy... but I think this is what every girl wants and especially me these days.
My Bishop explained it like this... "You really know you are grown up when you start yearning for things like your own house, your own family, a man to love and take care of you..." He says that we all get to this point and once we reach it, if we don't have what we are yearning for then it is a test of patience. Well... I'm about done with patience! I've never been very good at it. In fact with me it's usually all or nothing... I want it right now or not at all.
So my question is, Is life playing me? Or is the Lord testing me to make me stronger? The second answer is true. We all go through tests in life and this is one of mine. But knowing that doesn't make it any easier to go through. But it's part of the fight of life.
The other day I was at the mall and I saw this skater kid with a t-shirt that had this Swahili Warrior song on it and it said "Life has meaning only in the struggle. Triumph or defeat is in the hands of the gods. So let us celebrate the struggle." I think thats right you know, when you stop fighting... you stop living. We all need that thing that is worth fighting for. I've found mine... Have you found yours? To all my Swahili Warriors out there: Find your fight, then fight like heck until your battle is won. I'll talk to ya later!

Between Order and Randomness...

Well I had quite the weekend! Friday I went home to Fairview because one of my best friends (Tabitha) was participating in the Miss Fairview pageant! Wow, It seriously brought back memories! I helped her with her make-up so I was partly back stage. She sang "Our Song" by Taylor Swift, while playing her guitar and she did amazing! I was so proud of her! She also looked very beautiful in her evening gown! She looked like a fairytale princess! Well she got first attendant... she was jipped. Seriously.... Everything we saw was really good and a lot of other people thought she had it made... but sometimes pageants are rigged and stupid. Thats the way life goes I suppose....

Afterwards, we wanted to take Tab out to dinner so we went to Rogers. First of all... supposedly it's a "Restraunt" now? Ok what restraunt brings POPCORN to the table as an appetizer? That was just weird! As we waited for our food, we talked about the pageant, gossiped about Sanpete county and all the new happenings and talked/laughed about old times! It was so good to just be with my bestest friends! Especially Aubree (who is engaged and getting married on May 31), her fiance was gone so she got to spend the night with us!
I forgot how much she made us laugh! She put her own spin on trying out for Miss America... Her platform would be "World Peace" (Of course the peace sign would be her logo)
She would get world peace by taking all the bombs and bombing
everywhere but America so there would be peace in America and
then sending out a trillion ballons with "World Peace" written inside so others would be inspired.... And she would do this all while wearing the crown she swiped from the table that had all the pageant contestants pictures on it.... (We really thought Tabitha should've won so we laughed at it!) OH AUBREE, how I missed you!
We then went back to my house and put in the movie "Enchanted". I really liked it at first but now it's just starting to bore me after watching it so much lately! Sky and I got tired so we went up to my bed while Kaylyn and Aubree fell asleep on the floor in front of the tv. Even though we went up to sleep, it had been so long since we had been together that we talked for at least two hours! It was so good just to be there!

The next day I had some good chats with my mom. That night, we went to the Young Women General Broadcast. It was seriously amazing! I thought I would feel weird seeing as how I have been out of Young Womens for almost two years but my other best friend Kaylyn was there as a stand in for her mom and I think we both needed it more than any of the acutal Young Women there! (If you don't believe me... ask my mom how many tissues we used!) Kaylyn came over to my house after that and we went and got drinks and a movie! By the way, I reccomend "No Reservations" because it is such a cute movie! I then slept with my niece who kicked me all night! When we woke up I made her pancakes... After church we had a family dinner and the whole day was just amazing! I ended up back at my apartment around 5:30. I sat down on my bed to read a book and fell asleep! I guess the weekend exhausted me! I woke up long enough to change into Pj's and wash my make-up off... I can honestly tell ya though, as much fun as this weekend was, it wasn't long enough! I soon had to come back to the real world of stupid people at drive up windows and vampire roommates. (Yeah my vampire roommate just keeps getting grosser and grosser... I can't wait to move!) Maybe pulling an April fools joke on my really old annoying co-worker. Yeah! That would be fun... something involving spiders? Ha! Probably not!

Well just because you know that I can't post anything without mentioning One Tree Hill.... here is a preview that just came out for whats to come when it starts back up on April 14th!