"he ain't feelin anything,
my love, my hurt or the sting of this rain...
i'm drivin through a hurricane.."
i once asked this question:
why are unavailable men so attractive to me?
unavailable meaning: in a relationship with someone else, having a history of a relationship with someone close to me, someone way out of my league...
anyway, the response i got was this:
grass is always greener... thats why...
well, guess what?
the greener grass SUCKS to look at!
actually it's really fun to LOOK at.. but knowing it's out of reach is what sucks!
it's like having an i pod sitting in front of you, filled with AMAZING music..
and NOT being able to listen to it.
that situation would KILL me!
as are the one's i find myself in lately.
"It's the elephant in the room
And we pretend that we don't see it"
too bad i wont get a chance to change these situations..
i guess thats being an adult, right?
"We say goodbye in the pourin rain, and i break down as you walk away...
stay, stay
cause all my life i've felt this way, but i could never find the words to say...
stay, stay"
anyway, on another note...
i was introduced to a talk that i'm sure i've heard, but haven't really taken into
understanding yet
"Come what may and love it" -Joseph B Worthlin
by the way, this is a talk that i probably could've used in my life like 6 months ago! :)
he talks about how when he was younger, and he or his siblings would fall down, their mother would expect them to pick themselves up and get going again. her advice to them:
"Come what may, and love it"
"I think she may have meant that every life has peaks and shadows and times when it seems that the birds don’t sing and bells don’t ring. Yet in spite of discouragement and adversity, those who are happiest seem to have a way of learning from difficult times, becoming stronger, wiser, and happier as a result."
how true is this?
with everything i went through last year, the pain and heartache i felt, i learned mountains of knowledge about life AND myself.
in fact, just today we had a client in our office that comes in every two weeks and he asked me about how my new place is. i wasn't here two weeks ago when he came in because i was moving.
so i explained how i like it and it's been really good for me and he said
"Well, you seem and look a lot happier so something must be working"
that simple statement made my day!
i know without a doubt, i would not be where i am today, physically, spiritually or mentally if i hadn't of hit rock bottom last year.
i wouldn't be able to adapt to my roommates and our group of friends so easily,
i wouldn't have the desire to go to institute or get really active in my ward,
i wouldn't feel the constant gratitude i feel for my wonderful friends and family who have stuck by me through everything...
this doesn't mean i don't have bad days.
it also doesn't mean that they aren't all the more real now that i am on my own again...
"How can we love days that are filled with sorrow? We can’t—at least not in the moment. I don’t think my mother was suggesting that we suppress discouragement or deny the reality of pain. I don’t think she was suggesting that we smother unpleasant truths beneath a cloak of pretended happiness. But I do believe that the way we react to adversity can be a major factor in how happy and successful we can be in life."
so yeah.. i still bask in the bad days.
i say the word "bask" because i tend to find the joy in bad days by:
-crying (which actually is a release)
-watching my favorite tv show or movie to distract me
-drinking caffeine
-getting takeout from anywhere i choose
-shopping (this one has become a problem.. that i'm going to have to quit!)
but as long an not EVERYday is a bad day, i'd like to think we're doing ok.
in his talk, Elder Worthlin suggests 4 things that he's learned has gotten him through some tests and trials
1- Learn to laugh
"I remember loading up our children in a station wagon and driving to Los Angeles. There were at least nine of us in the car, and we would invariably get lost. Instead of getting angry, we laughed. Every time we made a wrong turn, we laughed harder."
2- Seek for the Eternal
“My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;
“And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.” 1
"With that eternal perspective, Joseph took comfort from these words, and so can we. Sometimes the very moments that seem to overcome us with suffering are those that will ultimately suffer us to overcome."
3-The principal of compensation
"The third thing we can do is understand the principle of compensation. The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude."
4-Trust in the Father and the Son
“God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son.” 2 The Lord Jesus Christ is our partner, helper, and advocate. He wants us to be happy. He wants us to be successful. If we do our part, He will step in." i hope this gives someone else as much comfort as it gave me!
