You gotta go there to come back....

Hmm... writing in black. Must mean it's not a great day.

I didn't sleep a whole lot last night. I've had a lot on my mind lately.

(You're all going to think all I do is think deep, depressing thoughts!) I promise I'm a happy girl.

Anyway, I've made some bad decisions in my life. Some of the most recent ones

have really been eating at me. I guess thats the guilt part. And I know that you have

to go down the road of guilt to come back and realize how you need to become a better person. I get that.

I guess it's just the "Patience" part of the process that I'm struggling with. When will I feel

free of this guilt. What can I do to quicken the process? How can I change?

There is lyric from this oldschool band that says "Do you know what it's like to not know a single thing about yourself and it's all your fault?"... I can see myself in that lyric today. I spend all my time trying to be like everyone else... I don't know who I really am. For the last year I've been trying to find who I really am and I have a little bit but for the most part I've failed. I'm going to do better. I'm going to change everything starting right now.

So now about my Easter weekend! Well Saturday my roommate Cassie and I went down home! First we went to dinner at my G-ma's and Cassie got to meet the whole fam! Our family is interesting to say the least! We had the traditional egg hunt where my G-ma and my Aunt Connie hide plastic eggs with quarters in them all around outside. Usually we find 6 or 7 of those each and then another egg with our names on it and a two dollar bill inside. Of course this is just for the ones who aren't married (*sigh*, I'm the last grandchild!). Then we had dinner. It was an amazing meal of BBQ turkey (a sanpete orginal), baked beans, jello salad, rolls and funeral potatoes! Yummy! Followed by a great dessert of my G-ma's home made scootcaroo's! (I don't think I spelled that quite right!)

Afterwards, Cassie and I drove down to Manti so she could see the Temple. I had forgotten how

beautiful it truly is! When I lived in Ephriam, I use to go there at night and sit on the steps for hours! It is just the most peaceful place in the world to me and I can't wait to get married there one day!

Then, we continued our journey and went to my sisters house! Everyone who had been at my G-ma's came, except for her, my aunt and my cousin. So it was just my immediate fam and Cassie. It was a blast! We played singstar... I rocked! Thats all I have to say! Ok ok, so the boys beat the girls in both games. But it was still a pretty tight competition! We ordered pizza and finished the night by watching "Enchanted"! I love that movie! It is so cheesy but so funny!

On sunday, Cassie and I left early so we could get back to our ward for church at 1. I woke up with a migraine and that was not fun at all. Our Sacrament program was full of music and it was so spiritual! I loved it!

Later that day, all my roommates were gone. Cassie visiting her bf at work and the rest of them with their families. I was lonely. (oh well, Easter isn't as fun when you grow up anyway!) Then Cassie came home and we made tacos, painted our toenails while watching Sleeping Beauty and tried to cheer our roommate Michelle up (She just broke up with her bf) by watching "Enchanted" again and eating candy! It was a great weekend!

Then monday came. Gosh I hate mondays. The day I started no sugar, basically slim fast only and tons of working out until family pictures come! It sucked! Plus my vampire roommate came home. Yes.. vampire because she sleeps like 18 hours a day, never goes to work. Gross. How can you even do that? And I have to use lysol all the time now because she shares a bathroom with us and one of my roommates pointed out that she has never seen her wash her hands. It makes me wanna throw up. I can't wait to move in a couple weeks! Hopefully it's a new start! (Not that I haven't had enough of them!) Well ok... Enough of me blubbering! Later