Nothing left to say but Goodbye....

Hey!

So I feel like this is a never-ending week of saying goodbye. I guess we'll start with having to say goodbye to my Uncle. Friday afternoon, my siblings, their families and I started on an adventure to St. George. I was looking forward to the drive down.... Listening to my music.... Sleeping... Reading my magazines... sounds great, right? Wrong! That was the plan until I realized that I was riding in the backseat of a Honda... in between to gorgeous little boys in their car seats. Sometimes we all have to adjust! It was awesome though! I might have been squished but there was no other kids I would rather be squished between!

As we got to St. George, after eating, we headed straight to the viewing. I don't think I was as prepared as I thought I was. I hadn't seen my uncle in a while and he had lost so much weight and he didn't even look like himself. I don't want to remember him like that.

My Aunt looked beautiful and classy as always! For just losing her husband, there sure is a bright spirit about her! Also, we met my uncles kids who none of us have seen since their wedding, 7 years ago. They are the nicest people! And his son Josh who isn't married.... is WAY cute! Granted he's 34 and my "cousin" by marriage... he's still pretty much gorgeous!

The next day was the funeral. It was a beautiful, sunny day. My aunt was wearing a beautiful turquoise skirt and blouse. It was one of the most spiritual funerals I have ever been to in my life.

Did I mention we had to sing with my aunt at the end? The closing song... right after my uncle John spoke and made us all start crying! Yeah.... she sang the lead part of the song "In a Coming Day"... if you haven't heard it, you should check it out cuz it is beautiful! My cousins and I , my uncle, aunt, mom and dad sang the chorus... It was amazing!

So after crying for hours... and going on another 3 1/2 hour drive home between two car seats.... I had to say goodbye to one of my best friends... Aubree! She got married to Landon Bailey! They are an amazing couple and I am so happy for her but I will miss her! She is the one who let me stay at her house for like a week straight after my break-up cuz I couldn't be alone. I owe her my life! I know I'll still see her a lot... but it's different! A good different! Now the group is down to 4....

And finally.... I'm going to say goodbye to a boy. A boy I've been dating for a couple months. I really liked him... at first. Even up till a month and a half, I got butterfiles in my stomach everytime I was going to see him. But then the butterflies stopped coming. I didn't understand why. I mean, I would still worry when I was away from him that he was with other girls... I still thought he was very attractive... Well we hung out tuesday night and we went to a movie last night and I started to realize a lot of things I hadn't paid attention to before. Things I ignored in my past relationship as well. He didn't treat me right. He cares about himself more than he cares about me! I don't want to settle for that anymore. I deserve better than someone who only cares about me physically. I did that once and I'm not going to do it again. (I'm kind of proud of myself for realizing that!)

It's not that saying goodbye to HIM in particular thats going to hurt me... it's that I'll be alone again. See, I have this intense fear of being alone. Not having someone there to call or text, to be with when I'm bored or to give me butterflies and kisses, getting big bear hugs and smelling that extra good smelling cologne... I had all of this with him. But you know what I didn't have? "How was your day? I miss you! You look pretty!" along with those things... flowers, holding my hand, taking me OUT to dinner and most of all Respect. Is it selfish of me to want those things?

There is this song by Carrie Underwood "The More Boys I Meet"

This boy here wants to move too fast, He sees my future as having a past

Well, I don't think so, I don't think so

That boy there, well he's playing a fool, He thinks he's funny and he thinks he's cool

We'll I don't think so, I don't think so

Cheap date, bad taste, another night gone to waste, Talking about nothing in so many words

It's not like I'm not trying 'Cause I'll give anyone a shot once

And, I , I close my eyes And, I kiss that frog Each time finding

The more boys I meet the more I love my dog

Here's this guy, thinks he's bad to the bone, He wants to pick me up and take me home

Well, I don't think so, I don't think so

Cage fights, PlayStation, X-Games, Raider Nation, Oversize pants with an ego to match

Why can't they be like the one's that mean everything to me, The warm and loyal,

open and friendly,

The more boys I meet the more I love my dogThe more I love my dog

I think this pretty much sums it up! Later...