Do you ever feel like you've been played by life? Like you forget the important things and get so caught up in the way you feel about LOOKS and MONEY and POSESSIONS? I've been really caught up in this lately. I'll admit, I've always had a problem with the way I look. I've always been self conscious and as a result, I've been through some really tough things. So now that I've gained a few pounds, I've started to question what I'm really worth to anyone. Why would a guy go out with me? What do I have to offer if I'm not beautiful and perfectly thin or in shape? Sure there are things I can do... Like going to the gym, which I will start doing after I move but as of right now I don't have the time. I don't really eat a lot but I guess I could cut out all sugar.
Yes, these things can fix how I feel on the outside, but what about how I feel on the inside? What about the part of me that is yearning for someone to love me for me. Someone to love me if I was 200 pounds heavier or 90 pounds lighter. Someone who loves my laugh and the things I do? Someone who wants to talk to me all night long and watch the sun come up with me in his arms.
Yes I know this is cheesy... but I think this is what every girl wants and especially me these days.
My Bishop explained it like this... "You really know you are grown up when you start yearning for things like your own house, your own family, a man to love and take care of you..." He says that we all get to this point and once we reach it, if we don't have what we are yearning for then it is a test of patience. Well... I'm about done with patience! I've never been very good at it. In fact with me it's usually all or nothing... I want it right now or not at all.
So my question is, Is life playing me? Or is the Lord testing me to make me stronger? The second answer is true. We all go through tests in life and this is one of mine. But knowing that doesn't make it any easier to go through. But it's part of the fight of life.
The other day I was at the mall and I saw this skater kid with a t-shirt that had this Swahili Warrior song on it and it said "Life has meaning only in the struggle. Triumph or defeat is in the hands of the gods. So let us celebrate the struggle." I think thats right you know, when you stop fighting... you stop living. We all need that thing that is worth fighting for. I've found mine... Have you found yours? To all my Swahili Warriors out there: Find your fight, then fight like heck until your battle is won. I'll talk to ya later!
3 comments:
We all go through struggles in life. Like you said, the Lord tests us so we can grow stronger. But for each of us we all grow in different ways. So we all have different struggles and trails in life. When I was pregnant with Robyn I had a very difficult pregnancy. At first I wondered way do I have to go through so much pain. Then I realized it was a trail in my life that I had to go through not knowing what was going to happen I turned to the Lord and put it in his hands. I knew he would help me get through it. I did and I grew so much from that experience.
Whit, I'm excited I found you and that we can stay in touch. Your pictures are so cute.
Tonya Syme
Whit I liked what you said, but I think it's also figuring out a way to be happy (guinely) without feeling like you have to fight for it. When you learn to love what you do have then the Lord will bless you with more. It's enjoying the journey that's the whole point. One of my favorite sayings is: Gratitude makes EVERYTHING enough!!!!
Love you!!
Amy
I think the only thing that "plays" you in life is Satan. He wants to make you feel as if all those things, looks, money, and possessions are what really matters. The Lord will never "play" us. He has told us what is important. we are given trials to help shape us and help make us like him, but it is up to us what we do with those trials. We can either learn and grow and get closer to His light, or we can be fooled by Satan and get closer to his darkness. The choice is always ours. We have to find happiness in spite of our trials. That is why we are here. No one can love you until you love yourself. I know I have told you that, and you are probably tired of hearing it, but it is true. I love you and I know what is within you, you need to find what is within you.
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