yes, i steal topics off other people's blog posts because i'm cool like that...

it's been a little while since i've blogged a REAL post,

which normally isn't like me.

this past month has been... challenging to say the least. 

so in the midst of all of this confusion and almost 

despair that has been going on inside me,

i came across a simple statement on my friends blog....

"I wish you courage during this time." 

such a simple statement, but to me, it opened my eyes.

COURAGE  is something has never crossed my mind as an attribute that i lack.

but i guess it falls in the same category as FAITH.

faith is something that i am ashamed to say i have struggled with continually. not that i don’t have faith that Heavenly Father is there, or that he blesses us. but i struggle with having enough faith to know it’s all going to be ok in the end. that life is going to work out.

and I guess that means i don’t have the courage that i need to sometimes endure to the end.

speaking of enduring to the end, that was the topic in our sacrament meeting on Sunday.

getting through lifes trials and enduring to the end. i think i may have been the only one in the congregation with tears in my eyes almost the entire time.

something that one of the speakers said caught me off guard and has been something that has been continually on my mind for the last 24 hours

“I know that the reason we are here on this earth is to be happy…”

thinking about it, i almost feel ashamed that at times i am very very not happy, if that is the whole reason we are here.

i mean, i guess it IS called

“The Plan Of Happiness”

in Elder Quentin L. Cook’s October 2008 general conference talk titled

“ Hope ya know, we had a hard time”

he brings up the book “A Tale Of Two Cities”.

now, if anyone of you know anything about me, it’s that i can be kind of an English nerd!

“A Tale Of Two Cities” is one of my favorite pieces of literature.

he quotes the line

“it was the best of times, it was the worst of times”

now, while quoting this, he is referring to the battle between good and evil that every generation has to face.

but i apply it to the point i am at in my life right now.

it actually IS the best of times, and the worst of times.

along with the statement that we are here on earth to be happy, the speakers on Sunday also talked about how to be happy during our trials. like, while they’re actually happening.

is that really possible?

i mean, actually being happy while we are struggling?

a very good example to me of this is my best friend Sky.

this actually made me think of her.

she is one of those people that can just.. be happy.

no matter her circumstances she has this bubbly, bright attitude.

she laughs constantly and she finds the best in all situations.

so i was talking to her on the phone last night and somehow we got into that topic of conversation and she proceeded to tell me that the reason she is so happy, so carefree…

is because she has the faith and knowledge that it’s going to work out.

every situation is going to work out for the best.

she is focused on the positive outcome while i’m focused on all of the little disappointments on the way.

i really want to fix this.

i really want to become more like her in that sense.

so back to why i feel i may be struggling, besides the fact that there are so many things that i keep inside, i feel i’m going to explode…

well as i was driving to my hometown of Fairview yesterday, i felt the sunshine on my face and i felt alive. i felt wonderful.

then it hit me,

these are my hard months. they have always been my hard months. February – April are months that i truly have to endure.

but if i can make it out on the other side,

i know i’ll be ok.

i have to believe that.

i have to have faith in that.

and i have to have the courage to be able to MAKE IT to the other side.

"I wish you courage during this time."