If you only knew...

Not wanting to complain... that has been my goal lately.

Everything in my life is amazing, so why should I complain?

1. I now have a permanant full time job with S.L Peterson & Associates.

2. I have a great place to live with some of my best friends... (We'll approach this subject later)

3. I am going on dates with some amazing guys, some of whom are pursuing it.

4. I have the greatest family in the world, yes the GREATEST! My neices and nephews are amazing, my brothers and sisters (and their spouses) are amazing, my g-ma is still her and getting healthier and is amazing and my parents are my best friends! For real!

So what is the problem you ask? Let's approach item number... 2

So back when I lived at Crestwood, with these same roommates, I started dating a lot more. The guys of whom I started dating were either from our ward or random guys that we, as roommates met somewhere. Why is this a problem you ask? Well, one roommate has a boyfriend so no problems with her, the other roommate and I don't really have the same taste in guys and she is the type of girl that if we did, and I started dating a guy she thought was good looking or was interested in, she would be totally happy for me. Not jealous or bitter about it. My other roommate... seems to have the same taste in guys as I do and she doesn't handle it so well. Especially because she is 20 and has never had a boyfriend, nor has she been kissed. I choose to believe she has chosen this for herself because I'm sure she had oppertunities but anyway...

So this became a problem for us at Crestwood. Now, there was one particular guy who she REALLY liked but she thought a bunch of other guys were good looking and it seemed as though she had some sort of "claim" on these boys. Um... no, anyone? So because she was ALWAYS interested in this one guy, I stepped onto "her territory" and started going out with some of the boys she had a "claim" on. Even though I found one that I really started to like, apparently this wasn't a good idea.

You could cut the tension in our apartment with a knife. She would never say anything directly to me, no, she would go around talking about me to other people. I do know some of the pretty hurtful things that she, a supposed friend, said behind my back but I am choosing to ignore those and move on. Finally, after not being able to take it anymore I tried to sit down and talk with her about it. She was very polite but didn't open up much. The one thing she DID say was that I am too "boy crazy". So now, because I am 21 years old and dating a lot of different guys, who I never talk about unless someone asks me about them... I am boy crazy?... Ok....

Well after I brushed that comment off, I told her I would try to slow it down and things should've been better, right? NOPE.

It got to where we were moving out of our apartment, into Branbury and she wouldn't say anything but she's not very subtle with her emotions towards people so I knew what she was thinking. So here comes a brand new boy that we meet. We (he and I) get talking and I mention our move that was happening the next day (he asked me where I lived) and he so graciously offered to help me move in. I was impressed! So I said to this roommate, who was standing nearby, "This boy just offered to help me move in!".... her response was "Really? You'll help us move in?".... This boy kind of got a weird look on his face but he is SO nice and he agreed. He ended up coming over the next day to help her move in because I was already moved in. He and I sat in the kitchen talking for a while and she absently came out and started unpacking her boxes that went in the kitchen. Then she joined our conversation. I didn't really think anything of it until she started treating me differently for the rest of the night. THEN I learned from one of my other roommates that she purposely came into the kitchen to prevent me and this boy from being alone....? We had known this boy all of what? 2 days and she doesn't want to leave me alone with him? What does she REALLY think of me?

So it proceeds to later that night and we are playing volleyball with some friends and this boy happens to be there... and he happens to ask me out. This reduces my roommate to tears so she tells me she is tired of boys choosing her best friends over her. Choosing her best friends over her? I don't even think this boy thought he had an option.... Did I forget to mention that this boy is roommates with the boy that she STILL REALLY likes? Anyway....

THEN, we're in our new apartment and a new ward and we go to ward prayer. Hmmm... there is really only one guy there that I think is pretty cute. He and I get chatting and she comes up and joins the conversation.... GREAT. So I start thinking this boy is cute and we do a little flirting and now my roommate likes him? So the next day she takes it upon herself to rub it in that he and his roommates are in her institute class... Well I actually don't really care about that but we are throwing a surprise birthday party for our other roommate tonight and knowing that this roommate has institute today with this new boy, I tell her she should invite him and his roommates and her reply was " Yeah, he said something about sitting by me in class so I'll talk to him"... Um, ok? It just seems like she has this goal to "fight" for a boy or to "prove" something and it's ridiculous. I mean, we're grown-ups now, can we act like grown-ups please?

I guess I should give her the benefit of the doubt. It must be hard to be 20, never been kissed and never had a boyfriend. But don't go calling me "boy crazy" when you immediatly think every guy you see is "hot" or you meet a guy and 2 days later you come to the conclusion that you are "interested" in him. Really.... So now I just want to say "Ok, you have him"... I mean, why do something if it's going to cause contention or whatever? Hmm... tonights party should be interesting, eh?

I guess it's not just this boy thing either. Last Sunday I had to give a talk in my parents ward because I was coersed, yes COERSED by my mother! :) Our talks were on Matthew 16:24-26. Well if you read those scriptures the most immediate thought you will have is probably of service. Giving of yourself to make the world a better place. Losing yourself to the Lord and feeding his sheep. Upon searching different talks and articles and scriptures, I had read a few stories about some people in some pretty serious need. Having to give this talk really strenghtened my testimony of service. It is something I've been wanting to do the last couple months... to immerse myself in giving so much to people that I don't have to worry about my problems or my life. (I guess you can pretty much tell from what was earlier said, huh?)

Anyway, this roommate... all she does is throw herself a pity party. She has had a rough life, I'll give her that. But from some things I've gone through and turning to my family for advice, something I have learned is to do something about it. Don't sit and complain or try to get sympathy. If something is wrong or you don't like something, fix it, change it, do something about it. But don't sit and come to us, let us try to help you in any way we can and then NOT take our advice. I know that everyone has their down days, but why would you want to constantly be down? There are so many people out there with MUCH worse lives. I mean, literally starving children or children with cancer and severe terminal illness's that don't have money for medical help or just adults with the same problems. There are people with ill children or even people who are so messed up in drug problems or Shilo and Micahs family... losing TWO daughters, sisters, friends, cousins... TWO amazing girls to one incredibly tragic and instant car accident.

So as a result of all this ranting I've been doing and feeling the past couple days... I've locked myself in my room while I'm at home so I don't come unglued. I'm constantly praying that I will be able to find a way to let go of all this and maybe help her with what she needs. It's just frustrating.... And it's hard to be around people that bring you down instead of lifting you up.

On a bright note, I love my job! The people I work with are really great and everything is really looking up! I'm still trying to get the school thing figured out. I want to go SO bad. Like, it's killing me to see everyone going right now and not me, but I will figure something out! I know that if I keep doing what I'm supposed to do everything will all work out! Well thats all for now!



PS... "If you only knew" is an AMAZING song by Shinedown that ya'll should listen to!! <3