Tonight....

Life is short. 

That is a lesson I have had to learn this past week. In a tragic way, no less.

I guess I'll explain. Friday morning, I was looking online at work at ksl.com. There was a news report about 2 women being killed right outside of Fairview. It being my home town of course I was immediately concerned. While reading the story, I came to find out that these 2 women were from West Bountiful. My heart started pounding. I had friends who were from West Bountiful. No ages or names were given at the time. I proceeded to text my dad, asking if he had heard anything. He hadn't. I then text my good friend Kori, knowing her husband is a cop in Sanpete and wondering if he knew their names. She didn't know any information either. About 15 minutes later, I went back to look at the story and this time the ages were given. 19 and 21. My hands started shaking and I knew it was these 2 wonderful friends of mine. I text Sky, asking if she knew who it was. They were Sky's roommates and also good friends. When I saw her name flashing on the caller-id 2 seconds later, I knew for sure it was true. After hearing her broken voice say "Whitney, it was Shilo and Micah"... I tried to be strong for her. She was going to wait until I was off work to call and tell me but when I text her, she knew she had to call right then. I tried to be strong for her and also I tried to hold back the tears as we hung up and I had to go about helping my co-workers. About 5 minutes later I excused myself to go into the bathroom. Once I had shut and locked the door I fell to the ground sobbing and called my dad. He did his best to comfort me and to get me to calm down. 

I went back to work, calmly with bloodshot eyes, tearing up every once in a while. Finally, when everyone was back from lunch, I knew I couldn't stay there much longer. My boss was really supportive and let me leave. I went to my apartment, not sure what my next move was but just knowing that I had to go home. I had to be near my friends and family. I had to see Sky and Kaylyn. I rushed home to throw a bag of clothes together and began the drive to Fairview. On the way down, I didn't even want to turn my music on. It seemed like my mind wasn't even working. Once I came upon where the accident had happened, my eyes started tearing up and I knew I had to listen to something to get it off my mind. I remembered this song that I had recently downloaded and been listening to non-stop the past little while. I think I now know why. It's called "Tonight" by FM Static and it seemed to calm me down somewhat.

Emilee and I had been texting earlier and she informed me that she and Ben and Spencer and Abby had decided to go to dinner and a movie without their kids for Valentines Day that night. They hadn't yet found a sitter for all their kids. This was perfect for me. There is nothing more that I love than being with my nieces and nephews when I am having a hard time. So I volunteered and it was exactly what I needed that night. As Ben and Em dropped me off at my parents house (Who are in St. George), they knew I would be alone and offered that I could stay at their house. I declined but being alone with my thoughts that night and the next didn't prove to be the smartest thing I'd done. 

The next day, my dad called to check on me and I came to the realization that I know this happened for a reason. I cried as I heard him tell me that they must have been needed pretty badly in Heaven to be taken so quickly and unexpectedly. 

I had been keeping in touch with my girls but I was afraid to see them, for fear that I wouldn't be strong enough for them. For some reason, I feel I need to be the strong one for everyone. I put my fears aside, again practicing the thought that life is short and I shouldn't take it for granted, and went to Sky's house. We hugged for quite a while and just being with her was amazing for me. As we sat and talked with her mom and other family members about what had happened and how we had found out, it was brought to my attention that our other best friend, Kaylyn was supposed to be with Shilo and Micah that morning. She was going to stay at their house for the weekend. But her mom had called her about a family dinner they were going to have the next day and wanted her to be home. This hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt as though someone had punched me and knocked all the air out of me. I prayed and thanked my Heavenly Father so much that she hadn't been with them. 

That night I was at my brothers house for dinner and him and Emilee's step brother Brett brought up the accident over dinner. Suddenly I had lost my appetite and had to excuse myself because tears came to my eyes and I didn't want them to see me as weak. The rest of the night, just being with my family was healing for me. 

Sunday, I finally got to see Kaylyn. When I walked into her house we just held each other for a long time. Talking to Kaylyn helped. We both decided that Shilo and Micah would be upset if they knew how sad we were. They would want us to be happy and live life to it's fullest because thats the kind of girls they were. We talked about all our memories with them. It was really good to get it out. 

Anyone who knew Shilo and Micah would think they were some of the greatest girls they've ever met. 

They had a way of making you feel, confident and loving yourself for who you are. 

Shilo had the kind of personality where she would tell you something straight up if you wanted to hear it. She was very sweet at the same time. She also could get excited about anything. I remember one night last year when she and Cassie had High School Musical 2 on and they stood up and danced to one of the songs. They knew the full moves and everything. I don't know that I've ever laughed so hard.

 Micah is who I grew closest to this past 5 months that she lived at Snow College. She was the sweetest girl, always looking out for everyone. She was very protective too. They both loved kids and Micahs goal in life was to become a mother. I have so many great memories of them that I will cherish forever. In December, I was visiting them and they planned and surprised me by taking me to the hot pots down by Fillmore. I didn't have a swimming suit but that didn't matter. Micah made sure she had at least 3 for me to choose from and after putting it on and feeling self-conscious, she made sure to let me know how great I looked. She was always pointing out everyone's best features. And just a week ago Friday, I had been down there and I cooked everyone dinner... Micah decided that she and I should get married and I would cook and decorate because those are 2 things I love and she would clean because she is really good at cleaning. Later that night I just laid on her bed as she cleaned her room up a little and Kaylyn and Sky were there too. And we talked a little and then I found an interesting book and started reading it. She said I could borrow it over the weekend if I wanted because she wouldn't need it. Then she and Kaylyn left, while I was still just lying in her room reading. I decided to go to Sky's and go to bed because they had been gone for a while and it was getting late. If I had known that was the last time I was going to see her, I would've given her the worlds biggest hug and told her how much I loved her. 

She defiantly changed my life. She was a light in the darkness. She made me see how great I was and the kind of person I will strive to become. I will never forget her.

As I think about it, I know that they are in a MUCH better place now. Knowing that I will see them again has given me a lot of hope. At times I'm still sad... I know that the funeral will hit me hard and my best friends are whats going to get me through this. 

Life is short. We can't take any of it for granted. We have to live it to it's fullest. I want to live a life that I will look back and have so many things to remember, so many stories to tell. I also want to live my life so that I will be worthy to see them when that day comes. I know they'll still be here, always. I pray for their family and friends and especially for Drew, Shilo's boyfriend as they were going to get engaged this weekend. It'll take a while but I pray that they find peace and that everyone can take something away from this so that their passing wont be for nothing. I love you Micah Mattie and Shi Shi... Forever! :)

Tonight by FM Static

I remember the times we spent together,

on those drives.

We had a million questions,

all about our lives.

And when we got to New York,

everything felt right.

I wish you were here with me,

tonight....

I remember the days we spent together,

were not enough.

And it use to feel like dreaming,

except we always woke up.

Never thought not having you here now,

would hurt so much....

Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up,

I need your loving hands to come and pick me up.

And every night I miss you,

I can just look up,

and know the stars are holdin you, holdin you, holdin you,

tonight....

I remember the time you told me about,

when you were eight.

And all those things you said that night,

that just couldn't wait.

I remember the car you were last seen in,

and the games we would play.

All the times we spilled our coffees,

and stayed out way too late.

I remember the time you told me about your Jesus,

and how not to look back.

Even if no one believes us,

When it hurt so bad sometimes, 

not having you here.....

I sing,

Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up,

I need your loving hands to come and pick me up.

And every night I miss you, 

I can just look up,

and know the stars are holdin you, holdin you, holdin you,

tonight....

I sing, 

Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up,

I need your loving hands to come and pick me up.

And every night I miss you,

I can just look up,

and know the stars are holdin you, holdin you, holdin you,

TONIGHT.....